6, 10, and 40

Tonight my friend Lora sent me a precious message and asked me if I blog. My answer is that I wish I had time to. I have only posted here a few times and tonight I logged on to see if I even remembered my password. :) I did...YAY! So I looked through my posts and imagine my surprise when I found a draft I had never finished or posted! I read it and almost cried when I realized how fast time has flown since I wrote it. I'm going to share it with you just for kicks. It's now 2 years later and my kids are about to be 8 and 12...I will be 42....gasp. The happy ending is that the BIG 40 that I was dreading came and passed with no scars. Here's my little draft. Enjoy!


 Ok...so over the next few weeks, my children and I will all celebrate birthdays. Well, the children will celebrate birthdays...I will have one...a very big one. THE big one. The one that generates millions of dollars in revenue for the black balloon industry. That one. Dang.

On the celebratory side, my sweet boys will turn 6 on the 21st. Where did those six years go??? And why, in the course of those six years, have the stretch marks they gave me not disappeared? It seems like only yesterday we were passing out Doublemint gum on Christmas Eve as we told our family that I was expecting twins. Jess spent the last half of my pregnancy up in my ribs on the right side. Sam spent that same time somewhere between my left ovary and my left kneecap. They were very entertaining in-utero...there was not a single minute in those 38 weeks that one of them wasn't breakdancing on my bladder or having hiccups. Sophie loved to put the TV remote on top of my stomach and watch them kick it off. They have continued to entertain us until this very night and I'm sure that tomorrow promises more of the same.

I'm a little sad that my little boys...my babies...are growing up so fast. I love all of the new things they are doing and watching them come into their own, but I miss the days of footed pjs and diaper bags and their total reliance on me. (I can't believe I'm saying that....after almost losing my mind potty training them.....could I really miss diaper bag days?? Yeah....I do.) Six....how did this happen?

To add insult to injury, Sophie Mae will be 10 on the 23rd. TEN. A whole decade. Two whole hands full of fingers. She is totally off the hook for whatever stretch marks she caused because she immediately became a big girl when we brought the boys home from the hospital on her 4th birthday. She grew up that day...really. She has been more than a big sister, and more than mommy's helper. I could not have done it without her. Sophie not only looks older than her almost 10 years, but she is more mature and well-behaved than I am. She rocks. I am so proud of her...she is mine and I'm biased, but I believe that she is simply the most amazing young lady to ever breathe. As she turns 10, she is in that special place where little girls can't decide whether to spend her allowance on a baby doll or lip gloss. I love watching her get lost in both extremes....like when I have to hold her doll at the mall while she tries on clothes. She is great, and the last 10 years have been such a blessing...a very fast blessing.

I turned 30 about a month after Sophie was born. I was so busy with a new baby that I really didn't have a lot of time to get all worked up about saying goodbye to my 20's. I was just high on motherhood and praying that I would be able to sleep all night again soon. Thirty was nothing...just a number. After all, I had just survived carrying another human being inside my body for what seemed like 2 years. It's not like I was FORTY or something!! Then, I blinked twice and turned around once and here I am looking forty right in the eye. Did I miss something???

I have to get some perspective on this thing! Most of my girlfriends have already had their 40th birthday and lived to tell about it with a sad facebook post. I know it doesn't define me.....right? It's just a number....YEAH RIGHT! A very big number reserved for people who are much older than I am.

****Ok, so here is where my previous draft ended. I'll cap it off by saying that I am so thankful that God has allowed me to see beyond that 40th birthday and am looking forward to the big 42 very soon. What a wonderful blessing to be a mom and a wife and a friend and daughter and a sister to all of the people that God has placed in my life. Lora, thanks for the message. Because of you I found this little nugget and it blessed my heart to relive it. I hope that I can find some time to write some more about the crazy shenanigans that happen around here. They sure are wonderful. Blessings to all of you!

Schools OUT! I can blog! (hopefully)

It's been awhile....it's been busy....it's been a little insane. Or a lot, considering I just wrapped up kindergarten for my twin boys and fifth grade for my angel. Most of you can relate to the busy hectic insanity, whether or not you've been homeschooling. Life is nuts all over. I had hoped to make this blog a weekly outlet for my creative bursts and ah-ha moments. Perhaps the summer will allow it. We'll see.

The promise of more free time has got my boys dreaming of the park and sleeping late and wearing their Spiderman costumes to grocery store. (Ok, so they do that already. I'm sure you've seen us.) Sophie is more focussed on dolls and Justin Beiber. For me, I want to spend that free time getting my life caught up. That includes Ephesians, baseboards, coffee with friends, and some blogging.

Over the past year I've been consumed by a thousand things. Necessary things. Hard things, wonderful things and some things that I simply never imagined. The first time I taught kindergarten was to my sweet girl who has never even considered being a stinker. She was born compliant and independent. Many of you have heard me say that she cut her own cord and drove us home from the hospital. With her, kindergarten was a breeze- even with 2 babies on my hip. Let's just say that the boys put a different spin on it. It was challenging in countless ways and the thought of it woke me up at night for years before we ever cracked a book. I went into it with fear and trembling because I knew those two little monkeys and that they were created for running and jumping and pretending....not sitting at a table listening and following instructions.

We jumped in feet first and it didn't take long for me to see that seizures and meds had taken quite a toll on my Sam. Jess progressed quickly, and soon was reading and counting and taking on all of those things that were on our agenda. For Sam, every detail was a struggle and it broke my heart. I had no idea how to help him. My peace has been firmly settled in the fact that God knows. God knows. God knows. We've changed our approach countless times and on some days we put the books away and wrote our letters in shaving cream. On other days, we just put them away and rocked. God knows.

In spite of it all, the end of this school year was a triumph. Jess and Sophie knocked it out of the park, and Sam is reading much better than I had feared he would be. We survived the year and made some great strides and memories along the way. Now, free from the books, we'll go to the park, and dress up like super heroes and drool over Justin Beiber. We'll also work on reading through the summer and Sam will continue OT twice a week to develop his fine motor skills. He, like the rest of us is a fabulous work in progress. I would take his burden from him in a minute, and have begged God for that a million times. Clearly there is a purpose for it that outweighs this mother's pleading. God is building a testimony in Sam and Sam loves God with his whole heart. Kindergarten is only one of the thousands of miraculous milestones that God has planned for Sam. It has been my privilege as his mom and biggest fan to be along for the ride.

So, that's where I've been since the last post. Wonder what I'll be doing until the next one??? God knows.

I Hope They GET These Things

Lately I have been running a thousand miles an hour, in a circle. My poor little kids are trying their hardest to keep up with me, when all they really want to do is play in the sprinkler. What am I training them to do? Or to be? I think it's time to evaluate our (my) priorities and make sure that the really important stuff becomes really important again. We get one shot at this whole parenting gig, and I don't want to get to the end of the task and see that I've trained them to be versions of this restless me that can't stop running long enough to read my bible or enjoy a day of just playing with them. It's time to turn on the sprinkler.

I really want them to "get" the most important things. The things that will matter 30 years from now. If I don't show them those things, how will they get them, or even know what they've missed? OH THE PRESSURE!!! Seriously, it must be do-able because God placed these children in my care, and He knows I'm a doofus sometimes. He knows that I spend entirely too much time at the mall and that I love to sleep late and hate doing laundry. None of those things scream "Mom Material!" He still gave me these silly monkeys, so surely He planned to equip me to train them up to be normal kids, who love pb&j's and want to live a life that honors Him.

Part of my equipping has been in the form of placing brilliant, Godly women in my life to show me the ropes and throw me one now and then when I need rescuing. The remainder has come from trial and error, midnight talks at IHOP, and most importantly, God's Word. That equipping has given me a burden for making sure that my kids are watching to clearly see God working in every area of our lives, and that they don't have to look any further than their mom to see an example of a Godly woman with a servant's heart. I better eat my Wheaties!

So- here are a few of the things I hope and pray that they each understand and apply to their lives today and next week and in 2054:
1. You are the light of my life, and the fact that you are here is my greatest earthly blessing.
2. You are not here to be a blessing for me, you are here to be a servant of God- I just got a bonus out of the deal.
3. Respect is not negotiable. It's your default setting, and it will serve you well.
4. Your pursuit of holiness should trump your pursuit of happiness every time. Period.
5. You don't need to be validated by anyone- Jesus values you enough that He bled and died for you and fought Hell and the grave for YOU. That should be enough...that and your momma thinks you're the bees knees.
6. God cares about it ALL. Little stuff, big stuff- God is looking at your heart and motive for every decision. Be obedient
7. The consequences of telling a lie are always ALWAYS harder than the consequences of telling the truth. Truth is not negotiable, either.
8. When you start looking for a mate- when you're 40- if they don't love Jesus, they can't love you.
9. You can't have a relationship with God if you don't spend time with him.
10. I love you and will help you in every way that I can, but you have to walk out this life with God and stand before Him in eternity. He is the way. Live for Him and with Him.
11. Tithe. It's an opportunity to be obedient, and its not negotiable.

Its time to slow things down a bit, so that we can focus on these things. So, sprinklers, and picnics and lots of holding and prayers are on our agenda. The other things are just gonna have to wait. Even if there is a sale at Target. Lord help me!

15 Years With Big Daddy

Before I go on and on about how wonderful my hubby is, I have to confess that I am a total doofus. A techno-doofus. I accidentally deleted the draft of a new post because I have no idea how to use a computer. It was quite possibly the perfect blog post- dripping with sarcasm, of course. Now it's lost...and with it my chance at fame and fortune.

Back to Big Daddy. I love love LOVE Big Daddy. Yesterday we celebrated our 15th anniversary, and today we started on the next 15. I just have to say that I know that I am the most blessed woman ever, and that some of my divorced friends are sick of hearing it. I get it. Completely. But...in honor of 15 years, humor me again, please.

Allen and I met in high school when my best friend Jenn moved into a house across the street from him. He was smart and funny and cute and I wanted to stay outside watching him play basketball all night. I would have married him right then, but there were legal issues prohibiting us. That, and the fact that he wasn't nearly as "into" me as I was him. I can't imagine why...I had like the biggest hair in my whole school, AND red high-top Reeboks, AND a Pepe acid washed denim jacket. What more could he want? He finally came around and we were the proverbial roller-coaster/on again-off again relationship for quite some time. Eventually, after a few years, lots of drama and some growing up, we were on again. It is an amazing story, and I can't type it all here- but it's one of those that gives you goose bumps and you can see God's hand in every detail of. We had it BAD! Still do.

We had 5 years together before our kids arrived- that 's a whole other post. I think that those 5 years were great for us, though. We went through a lot then...college, grad-school, living away from Jonesboro, and learning to stand on our own four feet spiritually. Then, Sophie Mae came along and simply overtook us. We had an amazing time just being us. A few years later, God decided to send us twin boys. Allen worked his tail off to pay for those monkeys and we own Sam and Jess out-right. (Thanks Dr Dunn for the buy one get one deal.) We're still having fun, and our little family is my heaven on earth.

There have been hard times too, but God has always been faithful to grab us and pull us up into His lap. As we have watched Sam lay in a hospital bed having constant seizures and not knowing where we were headed, Allen and I were one flesh. That's where it matters. I am so thankful for him and for all of the hoops that God made us jump through to get to each other. I wish we could have a thousand anniversaries.

So, tomorrow we get to send the kids to Momo's and go to a restaurant that doesn't have a kid's menu. We won't be cutting anyone's meat, or taking anyone to the bathroom. Just me and BD. I can hardly wait. Happy Anniversary Big Daddy. I love you more than chocolate.

Cake? Nah....

About a year ago I decided that I really wanted to start my own blog. My Facebook posts were getting ridiculously long, so obviously I needed an outlet for all of the words that a stay-at home mom builds up over the course of a day. Or over the course of ten years. You see, my wonderful hubby is not a talker, and spends his day talking to people. When he gets home, he has used up most of his words. My kids are only interested in words that include "sandwich," "cereal," and "he started it."

So, you see my dilemma.Finally, after much procrastination, in December I started a little blog called Cake4Dinner that was to be about my love for all things CAKE. I love to decorate cakes and my obsession has grown to include baking of all sorts. Now, it's March and I have made 2 posts to that blog, neither of which include a single recipe or picture. Pathetic. I have been so tied up getting mani-pedi's and taking cruises around the world that I just couldn't be bothered with blogging.

Seriously, life has been a roller coaster of hospital stays and chaos since then. While I have been wearing Facebook OUT with prayer requests and updates about my Sam, I could have really used the therapeutic release of a blog about my LIFE...rather than cake. So, out with the cake...and on with my life.

WARNING: Sarcasm will follow....as will scripture and photos of kids in cardboard boxes and super hero costumes and hospitals. My punctuation will be questionable, at best. But....it will be a hoot.

Stay with me!
C